Tag: funny

Weekly Roundup: Hashtag Fab

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~ Your number one source of Empire News!

I have been a bad sci-fi fan and geek lately. I haven’t been keeping up with the latest and most awesome geekdom news. *Slaps wrist* The most exciting thing to happen to me this week was getting my bus card in the mail. You have no idea how excited I am about it…It will make traveling easier.
I am putting the finishing touches on The Emerald Dress! Keep your eyes out for it because it is sauntering its way into existence soon. 
I did learn of something of note this week, so all is not lost to the ever distracted maze that is my mind. Apparently you can pay to have an envelope of glitter anonymously mailed to your enemies. Wut? Yes! Google it and laugh.
I couldn’t help but put my own twist on it.
A Tale of Two Elf Lords
Thranduil mails his frenemy, Elrond, a scroll of glitter because Thranduil is
Elrond is not inclined to appreciate Thranduil’s sparkling gift.

Then again, Elrond doesn’t have a special 24/7 glitter taskforce at his beck and call.

Excerpt Time: Richard Edition

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I laughed my heart out yesterday. It was glitter, glitter everywhere in my mind. I was writing in a cafe and needed a quick, temporary name for a miserable, middle aged character. I don’t want to know what my fellow coffee drinkers thought of the crazy woman laughing and snickering into her tiny keyboard…

Since everyone I’ve told about this wants me to keep the character’s name as it is, I decided to post an excerpt.

The following excerpt is (c) M.L. Crabb 2014

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Richard Butkiss!

“We’ll get you help,” Kenneth stated, emerging from the shelter with a large knife strapped to his brown belt. His ruck sack was hanging from his left shoulder, and he was slipping his right arm into the remaining strap. “Where is Butkiss? It doesn’t take this long to take a dump.”

                 
“We are in…in…” My cousin started muttering something about his books. I didn’t care if he was some hot-shot New York Times bestselling author; he was being ridiculous. Had he suffered some sort of mental meltdown during the crash?
The woods rattled with a sudden fury of noise. Butkiss came barreling through, nearly tripping over a branch that had fallen the night before. He kicked it with his tiny foot and started cussing. I hated him. I hated his awkward fitting khaki pants. I hated his red face–it was never pale. Never. There was always something he was irate about. I hated his beady eyes and his bowling pin of a body. His head was far too small.
I sighed. Was I being too harsh on the man? Maybe he was just miserable and couldn’t help it.
“WHO LEFT THIS BRANCH HERE?”
“Yes, please wake King Avundil. Please,” my cousin whined. I let my face fall into the palm of my left hand. He had truly lost it. Richard Butkiss’s chest heaved, and he clenched his sweaty fists. For a moment, I thought the man might keel over and have a heart attack. 
“My…my…” his tone was stilted and stiff, and his cheeks grew redder. “My canteen had spiders on it.” His dark eyes flickered to my cousin, growing wide, as if asking some sort of unspoken question. “I think I know who did it,” his voice dropped into an eerie bass. His eyes sifted to me. I snorted. We are in the woods. What does he expect!?
Kenneth shot me a sidelong glance and cleared his throat. “Get your things,” he barked. “We are heading out.” That was all it took to shut that red faced monster up. Why my cousin kept that oaf as company, I would never know.

Fetch Me that Red Dot!

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Day 10 of my Post-A-Day challenge!

~Photo I took ages ago.

Day 10: Post something funny.
Today’s prompt is best met with images and videos. Here are a couple of things that make me laugh! Enjoy!

Can I get a quack?
Quack! Quack!

What is a humor post without a few cat memes?
~ Both images found on a google images shirt. Cat on left: animalplanet.com. Cat on right: damnlaugh.com.
 If you want to adventure over to meme sites, be careful!

Ruff! Ruff!

Adventures With Blog Prompts

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So I was scouring the Internet for ideas–Let’s face it: ye olde muse needs a jump start every once in a while–and I decided to have some fun with the most common ones I stumbled across.

This is all in good fun (I am all for reusing old items and making lists)! Enjoy. ☺

#1. Weekend Roundup
Judging by the pretty Pinterest fonts surrounding this one every time I saw it, I am certain that I am the wrong audience for it. 😉

#2. Upcycle Something!
My DIY cell phone bracelet rocks my socks off!


#3. Instagram the inside of your purse! Tell everyone about the contents of your purse!
I kid you not…if I had a dollar for every time I saw this as a prompt, I could buy myself that Slayers DvD set I’ve been eying on Amazon.

 Furby is coming. Furby is hungry. Furby is-GET.THE.SALT. 

#4. What are you reading?
This one is commonly translated as: Post an artsy fartsy picture of your antique cup of tea beside your most obscure book. It will make you look smart. Add a quill or some glasses for measure. If you have an old typewriter, get that in the photo too. You will look super sophisticated.

The book in this picture is awesome, by the way.

#5. Make a list 
#6.  Rant about something you are passionate about
Always blame the aliens. Always.

Captain MewMew and the Giant Space Cupcake

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Just a reminder: The deadline for the contest has been extended to the 25th! 
…And now for some adorable shenanigans. 

“Orders are in, Sir,” meowed the calico kitten in his office. She was mature for a three month old. Her pink painted claws tapped the tiny typewriter on her desk. “President Socks has been catnapped.”

“He always catnaps at noon, Fluffy. He’ll wake up as soon as he hears the Oval Can Opener.”

“No! Not catnaping! Catnapped!” Her fuzzy tail swished behind her. Captain MewMew brushed his whiskers with his paw.

“He was last seen in space. A giant cupcake is holding him hostage!” MewMew gasped, but he had handled worse. A giant cupcake in space was nothing compared to the penguins from Icearctica. As much as he wanted to do an inconvenient flashback at the most inconvenient time, MewMew brushed his whiskers again. It was time to get to his space jet. The Falcon-IVXX was the fastest fighter jet in existence. The only drawback was that it was fueled by catnip. If only it could be powered by my favorite, wonderful, warm, and nap inducing sun!

ONE MEOWR LATER
Captain MewMew’s glass space helmet glistened in the starlight as the Falcon sped through space. He could see the giant, delicious cupcake hovering in the distance. His little tongue watered, and he was suddenly hungry. It must be a trap! Ignoring the growing growls in his stomach, he gripped the steering lever with his paws. The Falcon banked.

President Socks became visible. His tuxedo fur looked unkept and shabby. MewMew drew a deep breath. He could almost taste the catnip burning through the Falcon’s fuel banks. I want that cupcake! Look at it! It’s so delicious and…cupcake! He shook his head and floored the Falcon’s catnip pedal. Shock greeted him in the distance, for President Socks was being held captive by…by…MewMew’s eyes widened.

THE RED DOT.

Just close your eyes, grab the president, and get out! As long as he didn’t look…Oh, the joy of finally capturing that elusive red-NO! He banked the Falcon again. The giant cupcake started spinning, as if trying to get his attention.

PEW PEW! Two hairballs shot out from beneath the Falcon’s left wing. Beautiful cupcake…gone. He had used his fighter’s miniature can opener of hairball doom. President Socks hissed. He’s stuck! MewMew brought his fighter closer. Ignore the red dot. Ignore the red dot!

“Initiate scratching post maneuver!” The Falcon vibrated as several gears shuddered below him. He watched as a slender pole with white carpet on it extended from the right wing. The President latched on, his golden space helmet glittering in the starlight.

Captain MewMew was once again Catopia’s hero.