It’s time to do something light hearted and fun! We’ve all gone to online stores like Amazon, looked up products, and read the reviews. I’ve decided to come up with a compilation of the different types of reviews.
There are regular positive and negative reviews with valid points, but those are no fun! I’m going to focus on the ones that fall outside of the realm of logic.
But first, we need a fictional product and company. ABC Co. sounds good, and now for something to write fake reviews about…
The All Caps Raver
SUPER FAST SHIPPING. MY CAT LOVES IT!
The This-Has-Noting-To-Do-With-The-Product Rant
Terrible service. I cannot believe that ABC Co. is allowed to treat customers in such a poor manner. I ordered this wonderful shirt to give to my daughter as a graduation present. I needed it by a SPECIFIC date. It doesn’t matter if I ordered it at the last minute. ABC CO SHOULD PROVIDE BETTER SERVICE. What had happened was that I took time off of work so that I could wait for UPS’s delivery. THEY NEVER SHOWED UP. Furious, I called customer service, and they told me that all packages are given tracking numbers and that I could easily track the package through UPS’s website. WHAT!?!?!?! So, after that lengthy conversation, I had to open a new tab on my browser, log into my email, and laboriously search for ABC Co.’s conformation email. Talk about too much work! Long story short, I got the tracking number and put it into UPS’s website. The package was due to be delivered the NEXT day. BAD SERVICE ABC CO!!!!! You should pay me for the time I took off of work! Thanks to this poor service, my daughter’s graduation was ruined. She didn’t get her shirt until the day after!
The ??? Netspeak Guru
Dis iz lyk my other 1 ii luv it. Got1 4 my cat ♥♥~~**bo bo**~~♥♥ he luvs it!
The All Caps Bandit
TERRIBLE. DON’T BUY THIS!
The Epic Tale
If the following epic tale review confuses you, go to Amazon and look up “eagle pilot” (The Mountain Combat Stryker Adult T-shirt) and “wolf moon shirt” (The Mountain Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee).
When I first donned my World Domination Cat and Flying Astronaut Adult Tee, I immediately felt weightless. The heavy pull of gravity no longer hindered my movements, so I decided to take the shirt out for a spin. Best idea of my life! I went to the wild flower festival downtown. People couldn’t help but gape in awe at the awesomeness of World Domination Cat. They could not get over how smooth my movements were (thank you, my new favorite shirt!). The mayor was so impressed with my physics defying dance moves, that he gave me the key to the city. The wild flowers on display suddenly multiplied, and I was thanked for saving the festival. I continued with my dance moves. Gravity? What’s that? It’s just a theory! I just want to say that if you are thinking about getting this awesome shirt, get it. You will not regret donning it. Whenever I wear it, I am the center of attention. Cats adore me, and I got a voicemail from NASA the other day. Next stop, the moon.
Coming next week
Want to make your own awesome space cat picture? Stay tuned! I’m going to post a tutorial on how you can make your very own epic photo manipulation!
