Author: grasshopper

Weekly Roundup: I haz a sick

I am currently stumbling my way through a nasty cold.

When I am sick, I am about as pleasant as a cat in a bath and as creative as a rusted door knob. Having to work while being sick leaves me about as energetic as a napping sloth with a neck beard.

I am tentatively postponing this week’s post until Tuesday morning. I don’t have to be to work until the afternoon, so hopefully I’ll be more energetic and the worst of this lame cold will be over!

~MLC

P.S. I am going to bed at the ripe old time of 8:00 p.m!

Weekly Roundup: All the Reasons Why Elrond is Awesome

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Elrond takes a selfie at Club Silmaril

This week’s roundup is dedicated to the awesomeness that is Elrond. He is one of the most underrated characters in all things popular right now.

Why is he so awesome? For starters, he is one badass elf. He managed to create the great elven refuge, Rivendell, and successfully lead it (warding off any attacks and keeping the general populace content) for thousands of years.

He is keeper of one of the three elven rings of power (the only three rings that The One Ring cannot control) and is a card carrying member of the powerful White Council. I am just itching to see The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies because Elrond and the White Council kick some major Necromancer butt. I cannot wait to see him as a warrior in the limelight! And yes, I am always late to the movie party…

“Elrond: Son of Earendil and Elwing, who at the end of the First Age chose to belong to the Firstborn, and remained in Middle-earth until the end of the Third Age; master of Imladris (Rivendell) and keeper of Vilya, the Ring of Air, which he had received from Gil-galad. Called Master Elrond and Elrond Half-elven. The name means ‘Star-dome’.”
–The Silmarillion, JRR Tolkien

 
Despite his power and prowess as a respected warrior, Elrond was kind hearted. Rivendell was a refuge, after all, and he treated his guests with honor.

“He was as noble and as fair in face as an elf-lord, as strong as a warrior, as wise as a wizard, as venerable as a king of dwarves and as kind as summer.”
–The Hobbit, JRR Tolkien

So what if he’s a little grumpy, he is awesome.

He didn’t exactly appreciate his selfie being uploaded. He especially didn’t appreciate the cute chibi drawing. 😉

The Emerald Dress is Here!

The Emerald Dress is here! A dark tale of obsession and regret, this ebook will keep your fingers swiping the pages as you follow Amanda Johnson’s descent into chaos.

Avaliable on Lulu for $2.99
Coming soon to the iBookstore and Amazon!
Download The Emerald Dress today!
Everything changed when she met him. Amanda Johnson liked to consider that she had a regular life so mundane that it was simple, carefree, and above all else, too easy—work smart, not hard. Hunting for antiques and flipping through the yellowed pages of strange old books were her Friday night highlights.
Once the tight fitting emerald dress came into her life, the one he liked, she couldn’t help but grow fixated to the point of stealing glimpses into his private journals and creating a secret scrapbook of her intensifying obsession. Amanda’s simple world was quickly unraveling into the strings of discord.
 
His delicate fingers, his light caress, and his wonderful face—Dr. Jeffrey is not the nice man she believes he is. Beneath those thin glasses and stethoscope is a cold sociopath.
Follow Amanda’s descent into madness in this novella as Dr. Jeffrey unfolds his sinister plans for her.

Enjoy this excerpt from the beginning of the novella!
Local Woman Commits Suicide by Asphyxiation
Winterville (Placer Sun Times) – Amanda Johnson was found dead in her apartment at approximately 7:00 p.m. Saturday night. The official police report claims that the woman had committed suicide in an elaborate display of unrequited love. She had turned her living room into a shrine of candles, flowers, and wine. Officer Richman was the first to arrive at the scene. He described the ordeal as a dark ritualistic matter created by the whims of a girl stuck on works of fiction. The city hasn’t seen a death so elaborate or shocking in ten years.
She was found lying in the center of the room inside a crude circle of half empty wine glasses, flowers, and candles. Wearing a tight fitting, emerald dress, she held a photograph of herself against her chest, just below her breasts. Amanda Johnson had plugged her nose with a close pin, and the autopsy shows that she held her breath until she died. There were no signs of foul play. Not everyone believes her death to be suicide.
Local resident Lacy Spring claims that it was murder.
“It was the boyfriend,” she told the Placer Sun Times. “I know he was doing something to her. Amanda was always a loner, but something happened. She began coming to work without showering or changing clothes. She would gaze off and start talking to no one. Then, suddenly, she stopped showing up altogether.” When we stated that her doctor had proof that Amanda Johnson was suffering from manic depression, Miss Spring became belligerent.
“It was him! He’s the boyfriend!” she shouted. “Of course he created a paper trail for himself. Wouldn’t you!?”
The doctor requested that we keep his name private. He stated that he was friends with the woman and nothing more. Evidence points to the accuracy of his testimony even though the autopsy shows that she had engaged in intercourse several hours before her death. The police have closed the case and have asked the Placer Sun Times to drop the matter. We have our First Amendment rights and an obligation to the public to provide fair and unbiased news.
 An anonymous tip enabled us to uncover a few startling facts about the doctor’s past relationships. Two of the five women are dead, and Miss Johnson now marks a third. Could Lacy Spring be onto something? Could the hospital be employing a sociopath right under our noses? Miss Spring claims to have Amanda Johnson’s personal diary and was gracious enough to let one of our reporters borrow it. As for the police, why are they so quick to close the case? Stay tuned for E.L. Pierson’s exposé into the matter in our Sunday edition.

Weekly Roundup: Hashtag Fab

~ Your number one source of Empire News!

I have been a bad sci-fi fan and geek lately. I haven’t been keeping up with the latest and most awesome geekdom news. *Slaps wrist* The most exciting thing to happen to me this week was getting my bus card in the mail. You have no idea how excited I am about it…It will make traveling easier.
I am putting the finishing touches on The Emerald Dress! Keep your eyes out for it because it is sauntering its way into existence soon. 
I did learn of something of note this week, so all is not lost to the ever distracted maze that is my mind. Apparently you can pay to have an envelope of glitter anonymously mailed to your enemies. Wut? Yes! Google it and laugh.
I couldn’t help but put my own twist on it.
A Tale of Two Elf Lords
Thranduil mails his frenemy, Elrond, a scroll of glitter because Thranduil is
Elrond is not inclined to appreciate Thranduil’s sparkling gift.

Then again, Elrond doesn’t have a special 24/7 glitter taskforce at his beck and call.

Your Pants Your Way!

I will never not have something to rant about when it comes to women’s clothing. I will beat my dead horse until my arm falls off, and even then, I’ll find something to hit it with.  This post is meant to be truthful, but most of all, humorous.

This escapade into ill fitting women’s clothing is best read with my previous women’s clothing rant in mind: Hunting Pockets.

I think I am officially giving up on women’s “work” pants. I use the term “work” loosely because designers think our work consists of going to the club and getting our dance on.

There are many women’s office pants out there (no pockets, of course) that are not of the Friday night variety, but they are not my focus today. Ladies with blue collar jobs can’t wear nice office pants.

My crappy five minute sketch says it all!

My screwdriver looks hot hanging out of my pocket like that. I love how the super low, super slim cut prevents my shirt tales from staying tucked in. I mean, I am rocking these boxes I have to move. I have to look good just for you, Box Cutter and Roll of Tape.

When I go to lift something, my screwdriver and wallet can’t contain themselves. I don’t mean to be crude, but these super awesome work pants made just for blue collar women give me a bad case of plumber’s crack.

~Fin
~I hope this gave someone of you a few good laughs.